If having sexual intimacy is important, does this mean the act of sex – the frequency, passion level, and other factors – is just as important, too? Should it be prioritized over everything else? Lissy Ann said that is not always the case.
Skewed about sex
We may feel like our relationship is “not enough” if we don’t have sex “the way they do in the movies,” or have sex as often as people say they do. Young adolescents may also feel like sex should always be the “end goal” of every relationship, or that you must have sex with your partner right away to feel connected and committed.
In TV shows and films, all we see are heated couples engaging in passionate sex, anytime and every time, and hardly the more intimate side.
“Media tends to promote an overly sexualized culture. As you can see around us in magazines, advertisements, newspapers, billboards, programs, movies, internet, commercials, the message seems to be that “sex sells” and “anything goes.” We are exposed to sexual images that have a strong message towards it. We want to correct this image,” Lissy Ann said.
There has always been a “hyper-focus” on sex and putting physical pleasure on a pedestal, but Lissy Ann reminds both singles and couples that “there is a lot more at stake than the pleasure that is associated with sex.”
“We should also have respect for our bodies, authentic love for one another, tenderness and intimacy in a committed relationship, mental and emotional health and well-being, and communication that allows us to be loved and understood,” she added.
When two become one – or not
A couple’s worst fear could be finding out that their physical attraction and emotional connection to each other stops at that. What if we’re not sexually compatible?
Sexual compatibility, known as being mutually sexually attracted to your partner, continue reading is actually more than that – it’s when a couple has the same level of sexual desire and expectations that translate to a mutually satisfying frequency and quality of sex.
“Sexual compatibility can be reached with a lot of understanding, communication, and love for one another that you are willing to negotiate during times when sexual desire and expectation are not of equal weight,” Lissy Ann said.
This understanding should stem from a place of non-judgment and the acceptance that “human beings are created sexual beings.” “It is a continuing desire that allows us to enjoy a fulfilling sexual life with a partner who who we want to love in a safe committed relationship,” she added.
“When there are significant differences in each spouse, try to understand if there are other issues contributing to the lack of compatibility.”
“Is it worth it to try improving our sexual compatibility?” According to Lissy Ann, it is. Sexual compatibility is part of a healthy and loving relationship, which is ultimately made up of a variety of values, attitudes, and traits that two people discover while dating. Sex is one part of this.
“It is important that with love, respect, and kindness we get to know one another in terms of the views that we have with regard to sex. It is definitely not discovered in an instant or moment of attraction,” she said.
Discovering sexual compatibility includes being emotionally intimate with another – while dating, you will discover differences, barriers, past experiences, and childhood upbringing that may “block the manner in which sex would be experienced.” This process will help each partner understand how they would approach this in their relationship.