Key points
- Having better sex needs to be a personal choice, not simply done to please someone else.
- Sexy clothes can help create a sexual mood. To do this, it’s important to put aside any hang-ups about one’s appearance.
- Initiating romance with one’s partner can begin with dropping a hint in the form of a sexy text or phone call.
Becoming a sexual woman can be exciting, intimidating, and terrifying all at the same time. In my private practice as a sex therapist, I’ve worked with hundreds of women who have come to my office in need of assistance coming out of their sexual shells. Some have just started dating, some are married, and some are divorced, but all are looking to be more sexually uninhibited, free, and relaxed. Here are some ideas for getting from zero to fabulous sex.
Make a Decision for Yourself That You Are Interested in Having Better Sex
Being sexual has to be a decision for you. You won’t be authentically in it if you decide to be sexual because your boyfriend wants you to or your husband is begging you. You can make a choice to learn about your sexuality and have better sex if you choose to do so but please don’t let someone talk you into it because that’s what they want for you. You need to have a discussion with yourself about if you are ready to become more sexual. Once you decide it’s for you, then move on to the next step.
Take a Mirror and Look at Your Vagina
Ladies, it’s time to do this. Take a mirror and see what is downstairs. How can you know what you want and what feels good sexually if you are unsure what is even down there in the first place? A hand mirror works best to take a look at what you really look like. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes so please don’t be too hard on yourself. Identify your outer lips, your inner lips, and find your clitoris. Understand that most orgasms stem from your clitoris so it’s important to find where it is positioned.
Make It a Priority to Learn the Art of Self-Pleasure
The 
next step is learning how to masturbate and understanding the link between women who masturbate and having sexual confidence. Some of us were raised to believe and think that sex is dirty and girls aren’t supposed to touch themselves. As a grown woman, you should think about giving yourself permission to find pleasure and masturbate when you want. A good place to start is to order a vibrator online and have it sent right to the house. You can also find the brand “Lelo” at Brookstone retailers. See, buying a vibrator is so normal that they sell them in the mall at Brookstone, a normal and non-threatening place!
I suggest purchasing a brand that is small and has a flat surface area on the top so you can use it on your clitoris. Most of the time when women begin masturbating you aren’t sticking anything up inside your vagina, you are just pleasuring the outside and stimulating your clitoris. Practice masturbating a few times a week to start and try and work your way up to masturbating or being sexual with your partner every other day. You will begin developing an appetite for being sexual with better frequency if you are being sexual on a regular basis. You will also begin building sexual self-confidence as you learn how your body reacts and what feels good to you.